祈祷

天父，我不祈求你给我完美的人生。。我只祈求你能给我跌倒时爬起来，路再难也要坚持走下去的勇气和力量。。。事情变这么糟，我承认是我的错。。这世界上我最不想伤害的是爸妈和弟弟。。。我祈求你让我能将错一一的纠正，让我有力量努力去创造出能让爸妈幸福的未来。。这就是我prayer,Amen.

Fuck U Emo PPL

EVERYONE hates emo and pahtetic people

even I hate emo and pathetic people

but unfortunatly

I AM AN EMO AND PATHETIC PERSON

so

CONCLUSION,
I HATE MYSELF


I'd tried hard
but not hard enough

I'd done all I could
but I didn't

living a pathetic life
feeling pathetic for myself

I DO NOT FEEL SORRY FOR MYSELF
I'm not that kind of pathetic person
I DO NOT PITY MYSELF
for the shit i'm going thru

I BLAME MYSELF
for all the shit that i put myself into

YES IT'S ALL MY FAULT!!!!
taking up the responsiblity for it
is hard
its too hard den imagine

LEARN TO GROW UP GIRL
you need to learn to grow up
I AM TRYING TO LEARN TO GROW UP
I am....


and...


I'm struggling
struggling so hard


and YES
I WISH TO TAKE THE PLAN
AND FLY HOME STRAIGHT AWAY
THROWING EVERYTHING AWAY

this need courage

PLEASE GIMME COURAGE LORD

I know this would be the 'wrong' thing to do
but WHAT IS WRONG when i DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT IS RIGHT?




I DUN NEED LOVE
I DUN NEED MAN
I DUN NEED ANYTHING
BUT
I NEED TO BE SUCCESSFUL
I NEED MY PARENTS TO FEEL PROUD OF ME



I NEED, I WAN, I WILL.... is all the words I use
but...

AM I DOING IT?
AM I ACHIVING IT?

no


this is the MOST PATHETIC
ALL WORDS NO ACTION situation
and I HATE IT


I HATE BEING PATHETIC



AND YES


YOU GUYS WILL HATE ME



DO NOT PITY ME
CUZ I'M NOT WORTH FOR PITY




I AM NOT

To：爸妈

我又想死了
总感觉死
爸妈就不会有烦恼，不会有失望

真的真的好害怕让他们失望
但我明白我已经彻彻底底的
让他们失望了
但真的好害怕
这恐惧比死还要恐怖

说我懦弱吧
我承认我真的很懦弱

说我没用吧
我承认我真的很没用

感觉我继续留在这里留在这世界上
除了给爸妈烦恼
还是只会给他们烦恼

我缺乏勇气
去继续努力争取
我缺乏努力
去继续坚持了

我能活到这么失败
我承认一切都是我自己的过失
自己做错了就该自己承担

但我也发现了个事实
我活着这24年以来
除了爸妈
其实我什么也没有了
身上身边的一切一切
都是爸妈给的
若没爸妈
我什么也没有
身无分文
我什么也不是

爸妈
这一生中最爱的就是你们
即使遇难时
是有怪过你们说
为什么你们没那个能力
为什么我们就不是有钱人家
但长大了发现
你们给的
实在是太多
能给我的比起给你们自己的还要多
我不该让自己这么多的失败
不该让自己做出那么那么多让你们心痛让你们失望的事情
但我还是做了

哭也是于事无补
失眠也是于事无补
压力也是于事无补
自责也是于事无补


爸妈
我该怎样
我真的不知道我该怎样
因为我应该走的路
我走不下去了
是我亲手将它给折断了

这次的跌倒
是我自己活该

我是一个活生生的垃圾
对吧？

24年了
别人都有能力自己养活自己
我呢？

爸妈我该怎样？
我是不是该消失？
从此消失在这个世界上
你们就不会面对一次次的失望和心痛
让你们心痛
我自己心更痛

我真的很难受
我真的不知道我能怎样了

爸妈
如果24年前我没到这个世界上来
如果24年前来到这个世界上来的是另一位成功的女儿
你们现在回快乐很多很多吧？

爸妈
女儿不孝
女儿没用
女儿失败
女儿不好

女儿连这么一点的勇气都没有
女儿该怎么办？


我
张依慧
只会逃避
不会面对
即使想每对
也没有那个勇气和能力

我张依慧
就是一个活生生的
垃圾
一个没资格当你们的女儿的
垃圾




可能我死了
你们将不会面对
我这么大的一个失望の泉吧
你们应该会活得更快乐吧
你们应该会幸福吧

梦中情人の新专辑 - The Beginning

The boys of JYJ have been busy with promotions in Japan that have been put to a halt but long before then, there were rumors for a global album that have now been confirmed as true via the boys' page! They'll also be doing various showcases in different parts of the globe to promote this release along with Kanye West helping out with the production.

The boys of JYJ, whom are known well as Junsu, Jejung and Yuchun former members of one of the best selling boy bands in Asia "TVXQ", have teamed up with some great A-list produces such as Kanye West and Rodney Jerkins for their global album debut properly titled "The Beginning". The album title marks their journey since the trials started and it'll be the trio's first English language album.

JYJ has an enormous fan base worldwide since their tohoshinki days and the boys have made it into the Guinness Book of Worl Records both in '08 and '09 for having the 'World's Largest Official Fanclub' at over 800,000 members in Seoul alone. They're also one of the most photographed celebrities in the world with an estimated 500 million times spanning across magazines, album jackets, commercials since their debut in 2003 up until May 19 2009 with the rest of the DBSK members.

The lead single off the album is titled "Ayyy Girl" and along with being produced by Kanye West, he also lends some of his vocals to the song. The track will also feature the maestro of spoken word, Malik "The Poet" Yused. The song depicts the quest of seeking that perfect girl but when you find her, things are never quite as perfect as you envinsion them to be.

Besides what very possibly a catchy first single thanks to Kanye, The Beginning also contains original compositions by top music producer, Rodney "Darkchild" Jerkins, whom has also produced some tracks for Britney Spears and other artists of the like. The two tracks that are produced by Jerkins are "Empty" and "Be My Girl".

Rodney Jerkins reportedly said,
“I’m really glad to work with JYJ on their debut album. It’s all about the East meeting the West these days and the world is becoming a melting pot of various cultures. To have Kanye and myself champion the cause of unifying the world through the international language of music and introducing top artistes from one end of the globe to this end in America makes this a very special project to us.”

On top of these collabs, we also have some tracks written by the boys themselves. These tracks are "Still in Love" which was written by Jejung, "I Can Soar" courtesy of Junsu and "I Love You" by Yuchun.

Mr. Baek Chang Ju, the trio’s manager and CEO of C-JeS Entertainment, commented,
“We have faced many challenges in these recent months but are glad to complete an album which the boys are extremely proud of. The Beginning is a product of their blood, sweat and tears, and they hope fans will see the efforts that went into making this excellent album. As a partaker in their journey, I am so proud of them at this moment for what they have achieved.”
The album's track list consists of 7 full tracks and 3 remixes. Jae Chong, one Asia's leading music producers has also contributed to the album and played a big role in organizing and producing the project witht he trio.

The Beginning is produced by Show Shop Entertainment and will be distributed by Warner Music worldwide. It's release date is set to October 12th in CD and digital outlets. There's also a limited edition release, called the 'Luxury Package' which will be numbered aside from being limited to only 99,999 editions.

The lead single off the album will be available via iTunes on the 19th of October.
The boys will embark on a small showcase tour that spans across 8 cities which will begin in October 15 and continue on to November through Asia and the US. You can find all the information on the tours stops at the boys' site. @ http://www.jyj-thebignning.com/

The official tracklist is as follows:
1. Intro ( Composed by S.Tiger)
2. Ayyy Girl_Feat. Kanye West / M. Yusef (Composed by Kanye West, K. Hamler, P. Phenom, M. Yusef, Jae Chong / Lyrics by K. Hamler, P. Phenom, M. Yusef)
3. Empty (Composed by Rodney Jerkins / Lyrics by Kyoko Hamler, L. Daniels, T. Parker)
4. Be My Girl (Composed by Rodney Jerkins / Lyrics by Kyoko Hamler, L. Daniels, T. Parker)
5. Still in Love (Composed by Hero Jae-joong / Lyrics by Kyoko Hamler)
6. I Love You_Feat. Flowsik (Composed by Micky Yu-cheon / Lyrics by Kyoko Hamler)
7. I Can Soar (Composed by Xiah Jun-su / Lyrics by Kyoko Hamler)
8. Be The One (Composed by Jae Chong / Lyrics by Jae Chong, Terry Shorter, Kyoko Hamler)
9. Ayy Girl_ S. Tiger Remix
10. Empty_DJ EON Remix
11. Be My Girl_DJ EON Remix

The dates for their 8 city showcase tour:
Bangkok Impact Challenger 15th October
Malaysia TBC 17th October
Hong Kong Asia World 24th October
Shanghai Grand Stage 7th November
New York Hammerstein 12th November
Seattle WAMU THEATER 13th November
San Francisco Bill Graham Auditorium 14th November
L.A Shrine Auditorium 19th November

(Post credited to http://www.gokpop.com/news/the-beginning-global-album-for-jyj!::1003.html)

**********

Ahhhhh SHIEEEEEETTT

I REALLY REALLY REALLY WANNA GO =(

SEE MY DREAM BOY

SIGHZZ........

but they will never come to Perth

and I will not be able to go back to Malaysia by 17th Oct

WHY.... =~(

黑执事

刚追看完黑执事2

嘿嘿~

我还是最喜欢赛巴斯蒂安超帅的

别误会

我不是宅女

我也不是那种疯狂爱anime的人物

就黑执事里的赛巴斯被设计的个性

就是我超爱的那种男人

酷酷恶魔型

那冷静的个性和小邪恶的个性

最爱了

女人就是犯贱

所谓

男人不坏，女人不爱

是无比的事实啊~

哇啊哈哈哈哈

总结~

我爱赛巴斯

我想找个属于我自己的赛巴斯

^^

花の物语

A Special Post Dedicated to Araluen Botanical Garden~

Spring~ Spring~ Spring~

Flowers' in the air~

春天啊~

超级多美美的花儿哦~

嘻嘻~

出发前~

在Claire家外面等Nick来

无聊乱拍了~

On our Way to Araluen~

入门票4元澳币~

真是个便宜的活动~

Araluen最出名的就是它们的郁金香~

五颜六色的~

superrrrr pretty~

老病复发~

我们又搞怪啦~

teehee~~~~

模仿香港MK仔和妞

见到很特别的花？

还是树？

搞不清楚~

AND最主要

我遇见了我玫瑰之后的最爱の花

樱花~

omg!!!!!!

因为摄影师（我）的技巧~

Baby忽然变特瘦特帅了~

哇哈哈哈哈哈哈哈~！

准备搭mini火车去~

兜兜~

又是一个富有艺术性质的照片

谁拍的？？？？

这餐厅

喝咖啡的气氛应该特好~

我们要做个负责任的人类

喝完了的汽水罐

要记得丢进环保箱~！！

又发现了很特别的花

是郁金香么？

不知道

但它的边边很特别也~~

有旅客的地方

也肯定会有礼品店~

Jungle在买什么？？

但那个女人的Gucci包包真适合他~

哇哈哈哈哈~

礼品店外面

还真漂亮

哇哈哈哈哈

逼Nick弟弟跟我拍张照~

Araluen的花儿

还真的不错

可惜不够多

和我想象中的有差别~

我还想是一大片花海~

那样肯定美死了~~

很期待能去日本国冬喝春天~

=D

我要去看樱花~

嘻嘻~

Errrr.... Long Time No Blog??? LOLOL.....

yohooooo

SORRY FOR VANISHING FOR SO FREAKING LONG MY DEAR BLOGGY~

life was a little tooooooo full for me to sit down and blog

and line was a little tooooooooo lag for me to sit down and blog

FML

had a K session with Jungle all them

last last friday nite

^^

and pulled out d SUPER LONG TIME NO SEE Ah Jia out with us

this guy REALLY havnt come out for like how long?

at least 3 months n more?

LOL

how can you do that!!!!!

incredible!!!!

And a candid shot of Ah Bee

LOLOL...

I think he's gonna kill me

when he sees this pic

=X

and 1st time sing K wif Iris

Iris and her fren Chern actually went to Ninniku for dinner

and i served them

when Manager Jun knew they were my fren

he even let me made 2 free Lemon Lime Bitter for them~

and NEVER WOULD HAVE GUESSED that

we're actually heading out to the same K session

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

the world is so freaking small aye~

Claire busy doing what???

*no idea*

Our Alcoholic table~

And a trial of
NO FLASH candid photo~
looks gud xia~
I know i'm super pro in taking pics~
LOL

Another one of my right hand side shot

**********

Had my very 1st lunch at Wong's a.k.a. 旺记 @ Bentley center with Jackie

they used to be at Karawara

and recently just moved to Bentley Center

=D

I so prefer the new space

compared to the old one

but dun like the wall colour

too =(

stuffy

i reckon....


So many customers~

so long neva have MoMoChaCha

but too sweet

too many coconut milk la 阿旺!!!!

>..<

I NO LIKE And long time no drink

Yeo's Winter Melon Tea~

Muah Hainan Chicken Rice a.k.a. 海南鸡饭

I wonder WHY they always serve such BIG PORTION of rice

=..=

And Uncle Jackie wanted to eat their 鱿鱼酥

And sth sth 排骨

lol...

i totali forgot its name!!!!

**********

And Sat nite

CLUBBING TIME

didn't plan to head out d actually

but Andy's b'day

Chloe ask go wif her

Ron keep call ask me go out

Andy did text me but i forgot to inform him i changed my number

LOL

soli ya bro~

so end up

YES OUT!!!!!!

But I'm so fat...

So freaking UGLY....

FUGLY!!!!

-0-

hate hate hate

And Yumi did keep bug me

ask me out as well

cuz dat Clubbing Girl is definitly OUT

lolz

Yumi wif her diy shirt

LOL

so many holes woman!!!!

And~

the GIRLS~

Welcome bak Viv~~~

ur missed when ur gone~~~~~~~

hohohohoho

Viv is bak in town party people!!!!!

And from my cam

Me, Chloe and Shazz

LOL

Another pic wif Viv

but i luk so FUGLY FAT here

omg...

LOL

AND SaiLou is here as well~

Metro

=-=

A place to meet old frens~

And New Friends too~~~

=D

Me, Kaye, Vivian, James, and Chloe

Question:

WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BLOODY PERVERTS IN METRO NOWADAYS???

KUAT MANY XIA LOOOOOOOOO.....

GAOLIN!!!!!

one bloody China pevert a.k.a. coward a.k.a. MAN FLY

kept annoys us

can't stand

hafta scold him away

and YES SUPER COWARD

after jst one short scolding

he jst wandered off

LOLOL

funniest part

d 'man fly' came back

try to pevert anor frien

Chloe just pushed him

and he flewwwwwwwww off

LMAO

super useless 'MAN FLY'

I HATE MAN FLY

I HATE PEVERTS

I HATE HATE HATE!!!!

**********

Sunday night

work again~

=D

i like working

kept me engaged and income come come come~

And it was Caris + Sean + Wendy's b'day bash

lolz

super combination

they were happy

3 peeps' age add up

end up is 72 years old?

LOL

omg

Candid shot Candid shot~~~

After Cake eating

table super messy xia...

Monday

had dinner @ Penang Rasa Nyonya

Interior was so pretty and new~~!!!

cuz it's pretty new~

hohoho~

1st Milo Dinosaur in Perth

=D

GREAT 3 layered Teh Peng

cuz REALLY CAN SEE 3 LAYERS~

Chicken Curry

I LIKE

Honey Orange Pork

LOL

but tast like Honey Pork back home

Love Rasa Nyonya food

super strong m'sia taste

M'SIAN FOOD LOVER

I HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS PLACE LAAAAAAA

=D